Rape Escape

coleytangerina:

Below is the complaint by Wellington Rape Crisis staff to Stuff regarding this article on the horrific rape of a 15 year old girl in Hamilton.

Dear Belinda Feek and stuff.co.nz

I am writing on behalf of Wellington Rape Crisis to complain about your article ‘Rapist Pair Show No Remorse’ 10/5.

The ‘Tips on staying safe’ at the end of your article are unhelpful and should be removed. These sorts of tips put the responsibility for rape/sexual assault on the victim, not the perpetrator.

They also contribute to a victim-blaming culture, which is very harmful for survivors of rape and sexual abuse. The ‘tips’ you have listed perpetuate the message that if you don’t ‘travel in a pair’ or if you don’t let people know where you are then you are to blame, or at least partially responsible, for anything that happens to you.

This is a very harmful message and takes responsibility away from the perpetrator. These ‘tips’ also create a false sense of safety and suggest that people can ‘avoid’ being victimised if they follow certain behaviours in their everyday life.

This is not only a harmful message to be sending throughout the community, it is also deeply insensitive to the young women that were assaulted by the offenders that your story is based on. These two young women were travelling together: do you not see the irony that you are recommending people travel in pairs to keep safe?

Providing these ‘tips’ suggests that if you just do these things you will be safe and this is completely inaccurate. Furthermore, these ‘tips’ buy into the myth that rape is most often perpetrated by a stranger? Sexual violence is in fact most often perpetrated by someone known to the victim. One in three sexual assaults is committed by a current partner. Of our clients in the last year, sixty-four percent of offenders were known to the victim, while only nine percent were strangers.

Please consider removing these tips as they send a very unhelpful message to the community. We would welcome an opportunity to work with you on an article that focuses on the realities of sexual violence. It is very important that the correct messages are communicated rather than these inaccuracies.

We look forward to your response.

Natalie [Agency manager]

callingoutbigotry:

• A Rolex watch or a fancy car in a bad neighborhood. I am not the basis for a ridiculous victim-blaming metaphor based on theft. I am a person, not an object.
• Your sister or daughter or wife. I exist independently of my relationships with and importance to men. It is not wrong that I was sexually assaulted because I am someone’s daughter. It’s wrong because I am a human being.
• To blame. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want it. It doesn’t matter what I wore or if I was intoxicated or if I flirted. I never wanted this. No one ever would.
• A punchline. Rape is not a joke. Rape is not funny. If you think it is funny, it’s probably because you’re a rapist.
• Impure. I am not worthless or dirty or sullied. The person who did this to me is.
• An opportunity to play devil’s advocate. The devil has enough advocates. They’re called 90% of our society, and they’ve already said every single thing your puny, unimaginative brain could possibly think of.
• Going to be silenced. Not by my abuser, and not by you or anyone else.

stfusexists:

I’m not going to reblog it because it’s pretty graphic and potentially triggering, but you can see it here. And some of the comments are to the tune of, “Well if the genders were reversed, people would be freaking out that it’s sexual assault.”

Make no mistake, it IS sexual assault. Making unwanted and/or violent sexual advances towards another person IS sexual assault. It does not matter what the gender of the perp or the victim is - anyone can be sexually assaulted and anyone can sexually assault. I just wanted to give everyone a serious reminder that no one deserves to be sexually assaulted, and people who are deserve to feel comfortable seeking justice regardless of their gender and the gender of their assailant. 

lavenderlabia:

profeministbro:

I was looking around for something that gives strategies that men can do to prevent rape and rape culture. Outside of Jackson Katz’s “10 Things Men Can Do To Stop Rape,” I didn’t find anything that was more recent. I put this list together as a handout for the male-identified training. I didn’t want to reinvent the wheel with this, but I feel there isn’t anything that is just a quick list of how to interrupt rape culture. Comments, questions, criticisms encouraged. 

Male Ally Tips – Things You Can Do Every Day!

Being an ally isn’t just about attending trainings and volunteering with RVA – it’s mostly about the way we carry ourselves on a day-to-day basis. With that in mind, here are some things to be mindful of…

1. Watch how much space you take up. Often when we are sitting on the train or bus, men tend to take up more space than women. In some cases, it may be because we are physically bigger than women, but in others it is an unearned (and unnoticed) sense of entitlement. When you ride the train, compare and contrast how much space men take up versus women. Remember that your size can be intimidating.
2. Learn to step back… From an early age, boys are encouraged to voice our opinions and to speak when we feel something needs to be said. However, that can lead us to dominate a conversation or meeting. Instead, practice not talking. Let others, particularly female-identified people, speak first. If they have said something you thought about saying, you don’t need to echo it.
3. …And to step up! Use your voice for good – when you hear other men telling a sexist joke, or statements that support rape myths, or words that belittle survivors of domestic and sexual violence, interject! You’ll be surprised at how effective (and appreciated!) a statement such as “I really don’t think that (joke/comment/remark) is funny” really is.
4. Attend feminist events. If male-identified people are welcomed at the space, show your support by attending talks by feminist authors, film screenings by female filmmakers, and concerts with feminist performers.
5. Support feminist media. Go one step further – if we want to put a stop to rape culture, we need to work on dismantling it. Supporting alternatives to mainstream, corporate-owned media is imperative. Get a subscription to Bitch magazine, buy albums of feminist performers and buy tickets to movies that feature strong female leads and/or positive depictions of gender non-conforming folks. As the old saying goes, “money talks”- if companies see these movies doing well they are more likely to continue making them!
6. Volunteer! If you have the time, volunteer for a rape crisis or domestic violence center. Men NEED to be doing this work. Most of the time violence is perpetrated, a man is the perpetrator. This is not being anti-male, it’s just being honest. Call your local rape crisis or domestic violence center and find out how you can help. You may not be able to work directly with survivors, but you can do prevention work – which involves talking to other men – and that is equally important.
7. Make your space feminist. We don’t want to take up more space than necessary, but rather, to make the space we do take up feminist. If you work in an office, push for a sexual assault 101 training. Hang up posters in your cubicle that are supportive of gender-equality. If you’re a member of a fraternity, do a service project that benefits a local rape crisis or DV center. It’s possible to do this in any space – not just the social work field!
8. Be an active bystander. Obviously if we see a sexual assault taking place we should intervene, as anyone would do. However, sexual violence exists on a continuum. Verbal street harassment and groping are also forms of sexual violence, though they are commonly accepted. If you see a man talking to a woman on the train, ask the woman if the man is bothering her. When you see a man taking upskirt pictures on his iPhone, tell him that is not only illegal but wrong. If a man grabs a woman, tell him, in your own words, to leave her alone. Most of these behaviors continue because the men who perpetrate the actions feel justified since they have never had another man call them out on it. Equally important, we want to think of our own safety – intervene if you feel comfortable, but we’re not superheroes, nor do we want to feel that just because we are men we need to be “strong” enough to fix everything. Taking your own safety account is imperative!
9. Reflect the type of masculinity you want to see in the world. If we want to break the association of masculinity and violence, we need to portray the type of masculinity we want to see. This means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, being nurturing and supportive of children, taking responsibility for our actions, and apologizing when we’ve hurt someone’s feelings. It also means supporting men who are “outside the gender box,” as well as supporting women and gender non-conforming folks. If we continue to harbor the negative qualities of masculinity, we can’t effectively change it.
10. Be accountable. Finally, recognize the ways that you are being oppressive. Always keep yourself in check. Being an ally means being accountable to feminists and to female-identified and gender non-conforming people. Though we may have the best of intentions, it is common to make mistakes. That’s how privilege works, after all – we will always be unlearning sexism. Being an ally is a lifelong process, and you’ve started on the road to making the world a safer place for women and girls (as well as boys and men!). That should be commended. However, we do not deserve praise for doing the work we should be doing; for taking responsibility. Make sure you are self-critical, self-aware, and knowledgeable about your words and actions.

Attention men!