i really need some help right now, i think i should call a depression hotline, but i’ve never done it before and i feel really nervous for some reason :( my partner’s given up trying to help me, he doesn’t know what to do or say anymore. i don’t know what to do or say anymore.
i..don’t even really want to talk to anyone. i’m
just in so much pain right now
i’ve got to get this report done for uni, I’ve got an extension til friday, then tests and exams flying towards me, ive missed a lot of lectures and tutorials, ive worked so hard this term, i can’t just drop out now or it will all be for nothing. i end up getting a panic attack just looking at word documents. i’m trying so hard.
but if i do drop out, a) i’ll feel so useless and fail and disappointed in myself b) i dont know how the fuck ill get a job and c) even if I do get a job, i’m dealing with shit so bad right now i probably would have to quit.
i dont know what to do
everyone wants me to stop putting myself down, but there are a thousand voices in my head screaming at me “you’re a failure, you can’t do anything, you give up so easily, you have no friends, george will break up with you, you’ve had depression for like 4 years now and you still can’t deal with it, why can’t you just get your shit together, oh and by the way your skin looks foul from your self-harm, you can’t manage your diabetes for shit, you can’t hold down a food or exercise plan to save your life, you’re fucking white and cis and privileged as hell, why the fuck should you be feeling miserable, you rich white fuck, you don’t know what ‘struggling’ means, your parents are paying for your university fees and you can’t even complete your first goddam trimester there, good luck in the real world you worthless bitch”