As a follow up to my last post because I am certain some dudes will read it and be like “well what do you want us to do, then?”
- Stop arguing with women about identifying as “feminist”. There are women who are ok with it and women who are not. If you encounter women who are not ok with it, don’t argue. Step back and realize your ability to identify as a feminist or not isn’t important in terms of actually helping women.
- Stop worrying about your place within feminist spaces. In fact, for the most part, act like you’re not there. Your place is to be quiet and take notes when you are in a feminist space or watching a feminist discussion take place. Stop butting in with “Well, as a man…”, “But what if I…”, “But if I were to say…”. No. Stop.
- Speak up in the spaces you occupy that are NOT feminist or friendly for women. In the locker room, watching the game with friends, carpooling, at the Magic tournament, hanging out in your friends house, at the lunch meeting, in the gym, etc. Don’t just speak up if you think a woman is within earshot. Speak up when we aren’t. Tell your dudes and bros the way they talk about and treat women is NOT ok. Do this ALL THE TIME. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, you will lose friends. Suck it the fuck up because it’s the least you can do.
- If you do speak up and a woman nearby tells you to stop or you start speaking OVER a woman who is already standing up for herself, stop. Let her take the lead. Step in when she needs it, and trust me you will KNOW when she needs it.
- LISTEN TO WOMEN WHEN THEY TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE FUCKING UP. Stop being so defensive and if you can’t then quietly REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE CONVERSATION and have a long hard think before coming back to say anything ( odds are you don’t need to come back and say anything. just stop doing that thing you did. ).
This is all just off the top of my head so it’s not as great as I want it to be, but it’s a start.
May I add:
6. Stop expecting praise and/or thanks for speaking up. You don’t get cookies for being male and meeting the bare minimum standards of being a decent human being.
Yes. A+ addition.
The scene, part of the “Walk a Mile in her Shoes” event, was a sight to behold. Soldiers and civilians, mostly male, strapped on flashy red high heels and pushed strollers or carried their children in backpacks. Battle buddies teetered clumsily, holding onto each other for physical and even moral support.
lol OMG! This is perfect, I almost cried