Chronic illness takes its toll on friendship for several reasons. We become undependable as companions, often having to cancel plans at the last minute if it turns out we can’t get out of bed on the day of a scheduled commitment. And, living in the world of the sick, we gradually have less and less in common with those with whom we worked and played.”
“Knowing these reasons doesn’t make the isolation any less painful an adjustment as we watch people disappear from our lives one by one, some after dozens of years of friendship. On top of this painful personal experience, we also encounter all the ‘healthy living’ advice that tells us that maintaining an active social life enhances both mental and physical health. And so worry is added to isolation."
Wow, accidentally deleted my original post. Reblogging so I can keep it in my archives.
As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…
“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest things a girl can do, whether they mean it or not.”
and ”The perennial location of nice guys everywhere.”
Although this hypothetical situation could work both ways, friendzone is almost always applied to a man who is rejected by a woman. Therefore, there is something inherently unequal, something inherently sexist about the term “friendzone”. But what and why?
From my experience, this is what friend zone is. A “nice guy” pursues a woman, but isn’t forward with his intentions from the get-go like, say, a “jerk”. The woman is pleased to see a man who is interested in her not as a sexual object but as a human being and wishes for things to stay that way. The man is not satisfied with seeing the woman as a human being because being “expected to support a girl” is a bad deal if she’s not putting out.
Before I delve into the sociological aspects of this, I just want to point out that ”friendzone” is no more pleasant for a woman than it is a man. First, that is to say unrequited love works both ways, but the person who doesn’t return affections is considered mean only when she’s a woman. And second, what option does the woman have in a traditional “friendzone” situation? Just stop talking to a close friend to avoid “leading him on”? In high school, I found out my best friend of 2 years liked me. Having to tell him I didn’t feel the same way and being immediately ex-communicated via Facebook status (“Thanks for wasting my time”) was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Were our two years of friendship invalid because I didn’t want anything more? Was all our time together really wasted because there was no hypothetical pay off?
Guys who do this and claim to be “nice guys” are the worst misogynists because of their sense of entitlement toward a woman. They make investments in property and expect their dividends. They are fake friends. They are selfish. And they will jump at the chance to vilify you and victimize themselves when their attempts at manipulation don’t work. Clearly, “friendzone” is the remnant of a phenomenon that has plagued women since the beginning of time: women are not independent creatures. Our love lives exist only in the context of a man’s desire. When we make independent decisions, we are subject to a host of derogatory terms. “Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes”. “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no”
Something that I think people vastly overlook in The Princess and the Frog is the friendship between Tiana and Charlotte. It may be only a small part in the film, but in the scheme of Disney movies, this is a revolutionary element.
If you trace the history of all of the other Disney princesses - Ariel, Belle, Cinderella, Snow White, Aurora, Pocahontas, Jasmine, Rapunzel - no other princess is shown as having a female friend. Some may have mother figures such as Grandmother Willow in Pocahontas or the various fairy godmothers, and Ariel has sisters, but the princesses rarely interact with other women as friends. The Princess and the Frog is the only Disney princess film that actually shows women being friends with each other.
Charlotte and Tiana were pals since childhood, and not once did we see Charlotte ever do anything but be a good friend, not falling into any pitfalls of petty friendships or letting class differences affect their relatiojship. When Tiana is trying to earn money on her own? Charlotte hires her knowing that it will help Tiana’s goal. When Tiana fell at Charlotte’s ball and much of the desserts were ruined? Charlotte didn’t care about the food, her number one concern was to make sure Tiana was alright. And when Charlotte learns that Tiana loved Prince Naveen? Charlotte didn’t even flinch; she was willing to forgo her own aspirations of being a princess because she cares about Tiana’s happiness more.
I think this aspect of the film is what in my mind, separates it from other Disney princess movies. It deserve a lot more credit for being the only princess film that actually shows women being friends with each other, helping each other, and caring about each other.
The Princess and the Frog shows a better female friendship than a lot of movies, even outside of princess or animated films. It was really one of my favourite bits of the movie and to say that it avoids the pitfalls is so true. At numerous points when I first watched I was thinking, “Here is where Charlotte reveals her true nature” because how often in movies do girls or women get to just be good friends? I mean, all friends have petty disputes sometimes, but it seems to be unavoidable in most female friendships in media (especially when it comes to romance). So this movie was a really welcome change.
Stuff Healthy People Say To Sick People
Guys look what I found.
There’s probably a lot more people who can relate to this closer than I can, but it was definitely ringing some bells re my depression/anxiety. :( It’s just ignorance (and I don’t say that in a necessarily accusatory way). It can’t always be up to the ‘sick’ person to educate everyone: take some responsibility to learn more about ‘invisible illnesses’ or indeed anything that might be affecting someone you know.
This week, Busch Gardens Tampa is celebrating a milestone anniversary for a very special relationship. Monday, April 16 marked the one-year anniversary of the first time park guests got to see an 8-week-old male cheetah cub and a 16-week-old female yellow Labrador puppy start to strike up a friendship that the park’s animal experts expect to last a lifetime.
read the whole comic at the source.
I found this a few months ago and it never ceases to make me cry, every single time, because I feel this way for all of my trans friends.
You deserve better. All of you. You deserve so much better.
IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE WHOLE THING THEN GO DO IT NOW NOW NOW ;w;
A dog in the middle of a street, tries to awaken his dead friend, who had been hit by a car. The dog would bark and growl at anyone trying to get close, and he would not leave his friend. Some animals are more compassionate and loyal than humans.
This tore my heart to shreds… :(