Always see “real women” posts so here’s one for the dudes.
this says so much. I wish there were more posts like this. please.
body positivity and realistic body standards are important for guys too!
Men are constantly reassured that it’s okay to oogle women and harrass them about their looks. Women rarely see sexualized images of men that are made for women.
Guys get eye candy everywhere they go. Their sexual gaze is constantly catered to. Women* are rarely given the opportunity to have their sexual interest entertained. We’re told that we should be okay with having nothing to look at. That our fantasies don’t matter. That we shouldn’t ever even remotely expect to be able to eyeball a svelte man in public, only behind closed doors and heaven forbid that the man look vulnerable. So we finally get to see images that turn us on and people are like, “Hey, you can’t put that in magazines! that might hurt some little boy’s feelings!”
Men are given alternative physical images to aspire to. Women are not.
While yes, guys should be treated to body positivity too… they already are. Just watch TV or any comedy and count the number of pudgy, out of shape, male leads vs pudgy, out of shape female leads. Or the number of hairy, overweight, older men making block buster movies vs the number of hairy, overweight, older women. Now count how many times that male character has some incredibly smart, sexy wife who does everything for him. And then how many times she’s the butt of the joke when he gets hot for some woman who’s younger and thinner than she is.
Fuck, just look at the responses to women not shaving their legs vs the responses to guys not shaving off their stubble.
Name six movies about a woman above the age of forty who’s love interest is a man that’s younger than she is where the plot doesn’t revolve around her being the butt of a cougar or mom joke. Now name me six where a man over the age of forty’s love interest is a woman who’s significantly younger than he is. Bonus points for action movies where anyone in the movie makes a mention of the age difference.
How many times are male politician or CEO’s body or style of dress put into question? How many times are female’s? Or has everyone forgotten how we flip out when the president’s wife gets a new hair cut? Or how Hillary Clinton had to have a FUCKING MAKE OVER before the news agencies took her seriously? How many times was her daughter raked over the coals for looking like an average teenager?
What’s more, I’ve never heard any of my female friends or my mother and her female friends saying, “Why can’t my 50 year old husband get a six pack like that?” What I USUALLY here is “I wish my husband would get a nice hair cut.” or “I wish he’d wear some nicer clothes that actually fit him.”
But what i hear overhear men saying all time is, “No fat chicks!” or “I wish my wife had bigger boobs.”
I know a woman who’s husband threatened to leave her if she didn’t get a face lift and a boob job- she was so upset that she did it. She felt disgusting every day because she wasn’t a size six and he expected her to be a size six after bearing him four kids. My own uncle said if his wife got overweight that he’d drag her behind a car until she lost weight. These aren’t even “bad guys”! They seem like perfectly nice men when you meet them! But they’re taught from the moment they’re kids that all women need to be a certain body type to be worthy of any attention.
Men are told through our culture’s stories and media that a woman will still love them unconditionally and throw themselves at them if they’re fat, old, balding, or an asshole, while women are told that if they’re pushy, fat, old or wearing out of style clothes that they aren’t even worth mentioning.
*While I’m bisexual, but I’m not a lesbian so I can’t speak for what a lesbian finds attractive anymore than I can say what a gay man might find attractive. I’m talking about the female gaze toward men in general. We each have our individual tastes tho.
This is hard for me to post but I feel like it is important.
I remember hating my face and hating my skin and looking at all the girls around me in middle school and on tv and in ads and feeling like I was a monstrosity in comparison. But I remember the first time I realized women plucked their eyebrows. And wore concealer. And foundation. And powder. I felt like I had been lied to about what women look like. After modeling and realizing when photographers asked for no makeup, they really meant the photo on the right. I started realizing that the photo on the right was what was in skincare ads and posted by people claiming in the caption to be wearing no makeup some of the time. The photo on the right is the bare minimum of what we expect women to look like when they wake up in the morning.
I think makeup can be empowering, but I think that acknowledging that it isn’t natural is important. Modeling and wearing makeup so often makes me especially feel like its important to sometimes be uncomfortably honest about how much of the media we consume is altered in some way.
Part of me wanted to wait until my skin was better to do this concept but I realized that was totally missing the point.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
Photography and Graphic Design by Mark Laubenheimer.
if u think a girl looks bad u can just keep it to yourself really i mean uh
there’s like a billion dollar industry based on them keeping them feeling as bad as possible
u don’t have to assist
Genderfuck by Toyota, starring Stav Strashko ;)
Watch the commercial here
Finally androgyns are taken seriously.
WORK IT BABY.
son of a bITCH HES GORGEOUS
Uhhh, can I BE you, please?
I also like the look the model gives the camera like ‘and you were expecting another over-sexualised commercial with a half naked woman for your male viewing pleasure. Mind fuck bitches.’
I was rolling my eyes so hard until the last gif.
I’ve been doing some scholarly research, and I noticed this thing that’s been really dragging society down for the past few millennia: it’s that everything is wrong with you. You are gross. First of all, your hair is gross, because it is not long and thick enough. But don’t strap fake hair to your head! That’s also gross! Also, what the fuck is up with your skin? It is so dry and scaly like a lizard (but not one of those sexy lizards)! Except uuuuuuugh, do you have to take so long putting on your idiotic woman-lotion? This penis isn’t going to fondle itself! CHOP CHOP. Now, I know all this contradictory minutiae regarding your attractiveness can get confusing (especially with your lipstick-encrusted walnut brains!), but luckily, plenty of guys are generous enough to explain what they don’t like about you in great detail. Over and over. You’re welcome.
For your edification, the good folks over at Yahoo have compiled a list of the “15 Biggest Beauty Turnoffs from Real Guys"—yet another survey of "real guys" to reinforce the precise line of shit we women need to walk to remain attractive to them (it’s the least we can do, really). Because that media trope never gets tired. Let’s jump in!
If you are looking to attract a man with your fluffy false lashes and your flowing fake mane, it is time to take a different approach. We scouted the truth and discovered the things women do that make men turn the other way. All in all, men love to see the woman underneath the makeup, so ditch the dramatic routine and go natural for once.
First of all, I am neither an empty man-socket nor a fucking venus flytrap. I am not looking to “attract a man.” I am just trying to do my stuff and then maybe meet a person who likes me because I am also a person. I didn’t want to get all serious right off the bat, BUT SORRY: Women’s grueling, lifelong, losing battle to transform themselves into magical, flawless creatures with Disney hair and 15-inch waists and massive ham-lips is not for the benefit of women. And when men say that they “love to see the woman underneath the makeup,” they’re not saying they want to see your leg stubble and greasy bangs—they’re saying they want you to be better at hiding your maintenance routine. Because the maintenance spoils the fantasy.
"My wife spends 20 minutes after the shower putting on body lotion. Apparently it has to be applied evenly. For me, it is just a time suck." -R.D.S.
TICK TOCK, WIFE! QUIT SUCKING R.D.S.’S TIME AND START SUCKING SOMETHING ELSE.
"It gets on my nerves when women take too much time on makeup. You would think after a lifetime they would have the process down to less than 45 minutes!" -Christopher
Yeah, women! You’re sooooo high-maintenance! To be clear, we definitely don’t want you to stop painting that prettier face over your regular face every day—because gross—but could you just hurry it up? You’re late for Christopher’s blowjob.
"I can’t stand when she has wet hair after the shower and lays on my pillow, I usually roll over on the wet spot." -Jeff
Okay, that one is legit rude. But "wet hair" is not solely a woman’s domain. Fun fact: Dudes are also capable of becoming wet in a shower and then lying on a bed. Equality! Look at us go!
"If she has to be at work at 6am and uses the hair dryer, it wakes me up. Then, just when I get back to sleep. She is wearing her heels in the bathroom and the kitchen. Click. Click. Can’t you wear slippers?" -Pablo
So don’t have wet hair but don’t use the hair dryer. Got it.
Also, definitely wear sexy heels (sensible flats are for lesbians, obv!), but don’t walk in them. At least not when Pablo is sleeping. If you could just scoot yourself around on the carpet like a dog with butt-worms, and then put your heels on outside in the beauty bark, that would be ideal for Pablo. Thx.
"I don’t like extensions because when you put your hands in her hair you can feel all the lumps. It might be good to look at but not to touch." -Robert
Jeez, all this hair stuff is confusing! So…don’t have wet hair, don’t have dry hair, don’t have natural hair, don’t have fake hair. GOT IT.
And, you know, Robert, when you teach women that they need to be objects to even qualify as women, then why are you surprised when they start to literally integrate with objects?
"I’m picky about oral hygiene - brushing, flossing, mouthwash. She has to brush her teeth before bed and in the morning before we kiss. That extra care once we reach a certain level of intimacy is important." -Rod
Have you tried Milk Bones?
"They don’t put caps back on things or they put it on but they don’t screw it on so when I go get something it spills." -Connor
Oh, for fuck’s sake, Connor. Women don’t put caps back on things!? This is a woman thing now? ARE YOU SURE THIS ISN’T A “CONNOR’S SISTER” THING? My boyfriend leaves his wet towel on the bed, but you don’t see me e-mailing fucking Kirk Douglas and President Obama and Bobby Flay about it.
"Those thick eyelashes that women put on are annoying. It makes a woman stick out and people know that they aren’t real. I like a woman who looks nice and natural. Regular people don’t need all those eyelashes." -Lindsay
Regular people don’t need all those eyelashes.
"My wife doesn’t dye her hair often enough. I don’t like to see those dark roots." -Anonymous
"I wish my girlfriend would get a manicure more often instead of doing it herself. She is pretty low-maintenance." -Shaun
First of all. I find it hard to believe that Shaun can even tell the difference between a salon manicure and an at-home manicure, unless his girlfriend has some sort of tremor-inducing palsy, or multitasks by combining nail maintenance with trampoline practice. Which means this whole thing is just about signaling—Shaun wants to be with the kind of woman who gets her nails done at a salon. Nevermind the fact that going out to get your nails done can eat up several hours a week (I presume he also wants his girlfriend to have a career and a social life and to take care of her family and do her taxes and maintain her home and feed herself and possibly sleep once in a while), and can cost hundreds of dollars a month (I also presume Shaun is not footing the bill).
And second of all, let’s all just take a second to note that women have now been criticized for being high-maintenance, maintenance, and low-maintenance.
And third of all, MAYBE SHE JUST LIKES DOING HER NAILS BECAUSE IT’S FUN. Sometimes women get to make our own decisions and do things because those things make us happy.
I can’t believe we’re even still having this conversation, but dudes, LISTEN: Women’s bodies, even ones into which you get to stick your penis, are not yours. Women have the right to be gross, to have hair, to be slow, to put on make-up, to not put on make-up, to wear fake eyelashes, to smell good or bad, and to be human beings. Women are not your dog our your lawn or your living room, you do not get to prune and groom and design us, and negotiating things like hygiene and style within a relationship is a matter of mutual respect. My right to do my own nails does not stop where your personal boner for trimmed cuticles begins.
Also, women: If you are single, it is not because your fake eyelashes are too bushy or Kevin doesn’t like cucumber lotion. This shit is an oppressive waste of your time. Here’s my new beauty tip for everyone on earth: Go read a book or something.
"boys dont like it when-"
While gentlemen like James Blunt are declaring, “You’re beautiful, it’s true,” I have started to question if the innocent, well-meaning, and charming one-liners we take for granted reflect embedded power dynamics, underlying assumptions, and unquestioned social constructs. When it comes to compliments being hurled from men to women, I ask, what power interest is being served? What’s left unsaid?
To take a stab at it—I think somewhere along the way, we have come to the understanding that self-esteem is a gendered issue. We have bought into the myth that women automatically have a lower self-esteem than men, and that men automatically have a lot to teach women about having a healthy body image and self-esteem."
The premise of the film project is simple: a woman is asked to read an excerpt from a personally elected body of literature. (x)
It’s called “Hysterical Literature,” and I have never seen a better example of questioning why it is that educated women (whether self or otherwise) always seem to be showcased as having no interest in sex. They all choose interesting books, and they all get off, and it’s fabulous.
It’s also brought forth a lot of comments (on youtube and otherwise) and WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THIS. IT’S SO DIRTY, and I feel that’s part of the point: Why is this considered so scandalous? It’s just sex. In fact, we don’t even SEE the sex, so the only thing that could be making people uncomfortable while watching it seems to be watching a woman enjoying getting sexual pleasure.
And maybe some of those people just aren’t into voyeurism and that’s cool. But I’m betting a lot of them just don’t like to consider that maybe they think women having sexual pleasure is weird and that they think that you can’t have sexual pleasure as a woman and also have other facets and appreciation for “finer things.”
What I’m saying is, this whole series gives me a lot of thoughts.
Always reblog because Hysterical Literature is the sexiest thing I’ve seen in a long while.
Pretty sure I’ll wanna watch this later soooo
I think some reasons for why the people who probably do watch porn are made so uncomfortable by Hysterical Literature are a little more involved, since there’s definitely a decent market for porn in which women masturbate solo. It’s not JUST that each woman is experiencing sexual pleasure, it’s the combination of a bunch of aspects that are specific to this series:
- each woman is without a partner, so she’s not servicing anyone;
- she’s without a partner, so her attention is focused inward — this is completely about her enjoyment only;
- she’s without a partner, but she does have a vibrator and her own body, so she isn’t dependent on any other human for her orgasm;
- she’s reading a selection of her own aloud with some serious dedication, demonstrating that there are things she finds just as interesting as sex;
- we don’t get any of the visuals or the melodrama or the POV that are usually considered to be the point of porn, so we can’t be titillated by her body (or her partner’s body/actions, or her reactions to her partner’s body/actions) — we don’t get to see what’s causing her pleasure, we only see how it makes her feel.
The whole production is actually super-dismissive of mainstream (straight) porn and its primary audience (dudes), in that it’s not particularly staged for the viewer’s pleasure (there’s no pretense that there isn’t a viewer — it’s just not about them) unless the viewer happens to be a person who gets off on the idea of women having some fantastic selfish orgasms, even when the viewer is in no way invited to imagine themselves participating. :D
Zoe Smith can lift twice her body weight, set a British record for women’s weightlifting, and really doesn’t care if you find her attractive or not.
…we don’t lift weights in order to look hot, especially for the likes of men like that. What makes them think that we even WANT them to find us attractive? If you do, thanks very much, we’re flattered. But if you don’t, why do you really need to voice this opinion in the first place, and what makes you think we actually give a toss that you, personally, do not find us attractive? What do you want us to do? Shall we stop weightlifting, amend our diet in order to completely get rid of our ‘manly’ muscles, and become housewives in the sheer hope that one day you will look more favourably upon us and we might actually have a shot with you?! Cause you are clearly the kindest, most attractive type of man to grace the earth with your presence.
Oh but wait, you aren’t. This may be shocking to you, but we actually would rather be attractive to people who aren’t closed-minded and ignorant. Crazy, eh?! We, as any women with an ounce of self-confidence would, prefer our men to be confident enough in themselves to not feel emasculated by the fact that we aren’t weak and feeble.
And here’s some food for thought – maybe you should broaden your criteria for what you consider ‘attractive’ anyway, because these perfect, feminine women you speak of probably have no interest in you either.
(photo from Feministing)
This is staff member Jason Bulliner of Too Many Games. He felt the need to harass me on OKCupid. The first message I had never spoken to him before, as far as I was aware. Then, when I asked the con and staff to stop lying and being shitty to me when I asked them to implement a common policy in conventions of no photography without permission, especially of artists’ work, he felt the need to message me again, continuing to be a shitty human being. When I asked them to “tell their staff to stop harassing me on other websites, or was this how they conducted themselves?" and responded to a few comments directly said me by individuals, all on their Facebook page, they banned me from their page for “starting drama."
This so called convention is run by assholes who have no regard for females or artists. I forgot to mention before, at the end of the con, they were asking for donations from the tables for a raffle. The benefit of the raffle? The convention. A for-profit convention was asking their vendors and artists to give them merchandise for free, to raffle, after we paid $140 for the table with the badges. Everything about this convention keeps getting worse and worse.
(eta: reuploaded the photos with the missing last bit and changed the files because GIMP is not a good program)
I just had a very surreal facebook conversation with some friends of friends about this situation. I’m still trying to parse out the details, but I thought it was good food for proverbial thought.
This is actually really interesting.
I love that he pointed out that it’s different when men and women are objectified on film, not only because of the way our society views men and women, but also in the specific way those shots are framed.
When consuming media it’s so important to remember that filmmakers and ad companies have so many tools at their disposal that the average viewer is not even aware of. The way a scene is set, the way the camera moves, which parts of a person are included in the fame, the number of seconds the camera views each particular part of a person. All of these things very subtly evoke responses from us. We don’t notice them because we aren’t supposed to notice them—if they are doing their job right, everything feels seamless and correct to the viewer. And even if we do notice, we may not be able to articulate it because most of us haven’t studied filmmaking techniques.
If you think you are 100% impenetrable to the effects of the content you view, you are deluding yourself.
excellent explanation of the Male Gaze, a must watch
In February, I posted two pieces in Bed-Stuy on Tompkins and Halsey. These two pieces got the most attention of any pieces I’ve put up so far. Within a few days, someone had written his response to the work directly onto the posters. From there, a woman wrote a response to him. And it went on and, on with different hand-written comments creating this kind of interesting discussion. The pieces remained up until a week or so ago, when the phallic image was drawn. That’s when I decided to try to take them down.
The “Stop Telling Women to Smile” piece remained in tact enough for me to include it in the exhibition. I thought it was important to present in the show, so that people could view these written reactions.
I love when assertive women scare men to such an extent that they have to resort to infantile shit like this.
They think it will shut women up, but it really just fuels everything further, I hope they know that.
The “devolution” of the poster is more interesting to me than the originals, which I’ve reblogged before.
The fact that a man decided to comment on the poster physically, and was the first to do so, says a lot. Whenever women defend ourselves we get these counter arguments. We get people in general, and not just men, trying to cut down our personal initiatives. And when women, like on the poster, attempt to hold a real discussion we get the brunt of the “dick solution” where we are told that we hate men, we haven’t had a “dick that was good” or we get a penis drawn on the poster meant to make a social commentary about our “place.”
I’ve reblogged the individual posters before because I understand them as a victim of the suggestions. But I’m reblogging them now to show the attempt to keep women in their societal place in our culture.
An excellent example of men not getting the point about street harassment.
“You find our unwanted projections of our opinions of you to be bothersome? Well … well … well … DICKS, THAT’S WHAT! DICKS!!!”
Serious grade-schooler shit here. Grow the fuck up.
I’m kind of embarrassed by this as a guy. Although I do know we tend to put an undue amount of emphasis on our genitals as the solution to all of life’s problems. Being ornery? RIDE MY DICK! Lesbian? RIDE MY DICK! Depressed? RIDE MY DICK! Just got fired? RIDE MY DICK! *sigh*
And emphasis mine.
Yeahhh, this is a good example of why feminism still needs to be a thing.
All of the above. ALL OF IT.