This past Thursday, a group of men started cat-calling/hitting on a group of women in Chicago. When the women said, no, the men threw bottles and then SHOT at their car as they tried to drive away. One woman was shot in the shoulder, and the driver took a bottle in the head as she tried to drive off. Last month in Washington, DC a Transwoman was shot for turning down a man’s request for sex as she sat in her car. In August a woman in Atlanta was shot for refusing to get in a car with a group of men. In May of 2010 a young woman was shot in the leg for turning down a man’s advances.
Ok, so that was one googling, which also yielded an article on a woman in Australia who was shot in the thigh after refusing to perform oral sex. Many people will claim that these are just “isolated” incidents. But three of those took place in the last two, two and a half months. That’s not really isolated, in fact, that sounds distinctly like a pattern.
When guys complain about women not giving them a straight answer, this is why. Granted, these are fairly extreme. However, on a regular basis women who turn down men, no matter how nicely, are insulted, yelled at, spit on, hit, kicked and knocked to the ground. Most of these assaults go unreported because women know that the police aren’t going to take them seriously, particularly if they’re dressed at all nicely or “sexy.”
This is why the Schrodinger’s Rapist post resonated with so many women.
“Why are you afraid of women?” I asked a group of men.
“We’re afraid they’ll laugh at us,” replied the men.
“Why are you afraid of men?” I asked a group of women
“We’re afraid they’ll kill us,” replied the woman. -Margaret Atwood
When men ignore our boundaries, try to push or test them, we rightfully feel that they are a bigger risk for pushing even more important, dangerous boundaries, like say, raping or hitting you.
Yeah, I know, a lot of you are out there (if you’ve gotten this far) thinking, “That’s bullshit! I’d never do that!” And maybe you wouldn’t, but we can’t take that chance. And when you push boundaries or ignore our “No”s, even about small things, this puts you higher and higher up on the risk scale.
We can’t take those chances because when we’re raped or assaulted it’s always our fault. Everyone tells us so. Every single person who says, “I’d never blame the victim, but if you’re wearing a short skirt, what do you expect?” Every fucking magazine with their “Ten Things You Can Do to Not Be Raped” articles, that place all the onus on women, and none of it on, oh, the rapists.
How do you not scare women?
Respect their boundaries. Take no at face value. As a commenter said over on Pharyngula, you have nothing to lose: If she meant no, you’ve respected her wishes. If she meant “pursue me harder” or whatever bullshit, then bullet dodged. You don’t want to deal with that kind of mind-game playing, anyway.
But in all seriousness, guys, if you ever wonder why women act like their scared of you, read the above links again.
Schrodinger’s Rapist is an excellent article. If you haven’t read it, then I encourage you to read it. Trigger warning: mentions of sexual assault or rape.
I fixed this for all the people reblogging it.
“Things are rough all over, Ponyboy”
THIS MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM
No, you don’t get to take a graphic that women made to talk about their experinces as women and make it about you. You are silencing women when you do that. You are being sexist and ridiculous.
The society we live in treats women differently because they are women. We, as women, should be allowed to reflect on that. We should be allowed to discuss it and understand it the best we can. We should be allowed to fight back.
What you are doing, by taking gender out of this graphic is silencing women’s voices. Women made this graphic to talk about OUR experiences, to talk about the double standards that we feel we felt.
You are taking a women’s space and forcefully inserting yourself. You do not belong here.
Can’t women just be able to talk about how patriarchy affects them without out a man being like “What about meeeeee?!?!”
Taking gender out of the equation ISN’T diminishing oppression of women, it’s furthering it. Ignoring the oppression of oppressed groups is only harming them more.
And are you serious? You’re comparing being called a “slut” to being called “arrogant?” MEN ARE NOT CALLED SLUTS. And if they are, it’s either as an empowering joke, or because that man is being degraded for not being heterosexual. Stop trying to compare the systematic discrimination of women to the everyday up’s and down’s of being a human being.
Sheridan Watson the winner of the “Fiercely Real Teen Model Search”. Sheridan Watson is a 17 years old, size 14 beauty from New Jersey who has a 3 year contract with Wilhemina and will be in Seventeen Magazine.
I like the concept, dislike the implication about “real” women. You’re a real woman if you’re a woman and identify as that gender. Things like your size do not factor into it. One of the things I hate the most about people and tv shows that make a big fuss for “real” women to be in magazines etc. They say things like “real women have curves”. Fuck. Right. Off. ANY woman is a real fucking woman.
They go from fat-shaming to thin-shaming. Sdfkjfklgjklfjlkfdgladfg.
Let’s support ALL body shapes and sizes. You’re all beautiful.
Also, talk of “real women” gets hypocritical when it’s about a photo which is still just as airbrushed as any other photo of a model.
Mmmm. This would still be airbrushed and photoshopped as hell :/ Great commentary above ^^
In this day and age, feminism should be embedded into society. It should be normal for a woman to go through her day treated as an equal to men, it should be normal for ‘strong’ female characters to appear throughout the media, ‘alpha females’ should not be a rarity.
Instead it’s this concept that only a few seem to really embrace, and that’s pretty sad. I don’t think feminism is burning bras and living with cats for your whole life and not shaving your legs and shaving all of your hair off. It’s not. Feminism is simply the recognition that women are equal to men. It’s just about preaching about equality for both sexes. It’s just, at heart, the idea that you can be whatever the hell you want to be, regardless of the junk between your legs.
Thank you. You just perfectly summed up what I’ve been feeling for a while now.
Not that I condone violence against men, but if said man tries to steal your purse, well, then it’s every (wo)man for his or her self. This woman in this video is amazing. I know some people may find this to be humorous simply because of how the situation plays out is completely unexpected, but imagine how brave she must be. She does not give it a second thought before taking action to defend herself. She takes matters into her own hands, literally, and says, “No, you do not have control over me”. It’s both frightening and incredible. Now if you excuse me, I’ve got a date with some wrestling how-to videos.~Madison Montgomery~